Our three older boys are playing baseball. This month my Saturday mornings have been spent at the
baseball field from about 8:30 to 12:30 as we have T-ball game, Coach pitch
game and then practice for Max which I (Tom) run as the team’s manager.
This past weekend, Nate made two great plays in the field at
his T-ball game. When he made the plays, I missed them. I was sure to watch
Nate when he came to bat, but usually at T-ball games there isn’t much to watch
out in the field so I was paying attention to our two youngest kids. After Nate
came of the field, he asked me, “Did you see my plays?” I admitted to Nate that
I had missed them. I tried to then tell him I had seen his hits, but that wasn’t
the same. I saw the hurt in his eyes that I had missed his plays – plays some
other adults had complimented him on.
It was painful to see the hurt in his eyes and yet I don’t
believe I could have done anything differently. I was paying attention to my
other kids and I don’t want to begin a habit of lying to my kids. It was a
reminder that as a parent, I am going to wound my children’s hearts. I am going
to hurt their hearts. I don’t want to, but it will happen. Sometimes I will
wound them because they will have expectations I just won’t meet. Sometimes I
will wound them because they will make me angry and I will yell at them. Either
way, I am not perfect and so they will carry wounds as a result of my parenting
– it is part of being in a fallen world.
The sooner we can admit the brutal fact we will wound our
kids hearts, the sooner we can grow as parents. Knowing we will hurt our kids
hearts will allow us to humble ourselves and apologize to them when we do hurt
them. If we think we are immune to being wrong with our kids that will lead to
a pride that will make us inaccessible to our children.
Knowing we will wound our kids prepares us emotionally to
have conversations in the future with our children about their hurts and hang
ups. I hope my sons and daughter can by pass the middle man of a counselor and
just come to me and tell me that some of their fears or struggles are because I
yelled at them or because I missed their great plays in a T-ball game. Our
relationship is going to go further, faster if those conversations don’t
irritate me, but I am prepared for them.
Do you agree that it is inevitable that we will wound our
kids’ hearts?
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