The Goal of Families

Not too long ago I (Tom) purchased a set of talks by John Eldrede called, “The Four Streams.” They are excellent messages and I have listened to them a few times now. I’d encourage anyone and everyone to listen to them. He had a message on our need to receive God’s counsel. And in the midst of the talk he said something about family that I thought so captured the mission and purpose of the family, while acknowledging the sad reality that families often fail to reach that goal.

So here is what John Eldredge said that stopped me in my tracks. He said, “The goal of family is to see your glory, affirm it, bless it, encourage it and release it upon the world. That rarely happens. The story of family tends to be a glory assaulted, a heart assaulted or simply missed.”

As parents, it we are charged to look out for our kids’ glory. By glory I would say we should be looking out for the strengths of our kids and helping them to identify it. Each person has a unique opportunity to be a reflection and image of the glory of God. God wishes to reveal his glory through each of our kids. He has given them strengths and abilities. Our children are his work of art.
As parents, we have more perspective than our kids. We understand them better than they understand themselves. As a parent, I can already see my son Nate has a generous heart and God may make him a generous giver in the future. So our role is see that glory in Nate, affirm the times he is generous and one day send him into the world as a generous person.

For many people though, the family is not the place where they were affirmed. In fact, many people feel like the family is the place they are most likely to be criticized and judged. The reality is that is the natural pull. If as parents, we don’t create a family culture in which strengths are celebrated and we build one another up then we will not release our kids into the world so that the glory of God is revealed through them.

There is much to be said about how to build a culture, but here are a few thoughts.
One, speak encouragement to your kids as you put them to bed. Lately I have been telling my kids as I put them to bed, “You are God’s work of art.” I have been basing this off of Ephesians 2:10. At other times I have said to them, “God has great plans for you” using Jeremiah 29:11 as an encouragement. The last words before bedtime can help them to know they have glory.

Second, when you see their strengths shine forth, praise them for it. Let them know when something is really exceptional for their age or when you are impressed by something they did.

Third, watch out for words of criticism. Words can build up, but words can wound. We certainly need to correct our kids, but we must watch out for how we correct them. The wrong words can wound them especially if we characterize them as “always” getting it wrong or “never” doing what we ask them to do. Or if we exaggerate their mistakes, they will doubt they have a glory to share with the world.

What do you think of Eldredge’s description of the family? Why does it rarely happen?